I sometimes envy the grandparents that get to be grandparents. The ones who get to be the spoilers. The ones who have the wonderful luxury of being the back-up plan, the sometimes babysitters, the safety net.
I wonder if they realize what a tremendous gift it is to be able to give their grandchildren their precious time, the cookies, the extra hugs, the fun weekends and sleep-overs.
I often hear these lucky grandparents say, “I love having the grandkids but they tire me out.”
They have no idea!!
We grands who are parenting our grandchildren are exhausted all the time. We are thirty years (or more) older than we were when our kids were little. And we’re dealing with sick kids, sleepless kids, energetic kids, kids who have swim lessons, soccer practice and need homework help and we are doing it 24/7.
365 days a year.
We are also the ones who have to say, “Finish your carrots”, and “No cartoons before you’ve done your chores”, and “No cookies before dinner.”
Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely feel blessed to be my grandchild’s care-giver. To do anything else is unthinkable. I love her and our time together.
But wouldn’t it be lovely to be her “I-want-to-go-visit-grandma” grandmother, even for a day, rather than being her grandMom?
So those of you who have been blessed with sometimes seeing the grandkids, be thankful. Be grateful that you do not have to be the one who always has to keep the balls in the air. Cherish every moment.
I fell on ice a couple of years ago and broke my wrist. Since then I am understandably cagey on ice. The grand daughter has picked up on my wintertime unease.
As my grand daughter and I left the house the other day, she told me to watch out for the ice. We continued on and she warned, “You should go around that ice!” I carried on and then heard her say, a bit exasperated, “You aren’t listening to me!”
It is nice that she cares, I guess. 🙂
My grand daughter announced this morning that the term for a man who teaches boys should be a teach-him, while a woman who teaches girls should be a teach-her. 😉
I am always amazed at the wonderful way kids see things and express themselves. A few gems that my grand daughter has said recently:
Today is Tuesday. But it’s night now. So it should be Tuesnight.
Six and six isn’t 10 or 11 or 13 or 14 or 15 or 16 or 17 or 18 or 19 or 20.
Red sun in the day, sailors take warning.
We had been reading a story called Stars, where it talked about stars in the sky and stars in flowers and how a person could cut up a star from shiny paper and carry it in a pocket and always have a shiny star even when feeling glum. My grand daughter said to me the other day, “I don’t need a star in my pocket. I feel like a shiny star every day.” How to make my heart sing!
This morning, my grand daughter met me at the door as I came indoors from doing my outside chores and said, “You are going to have really good coffee this morning because I ground up the beans for you and they are full of my love.” Special coffee indeed!
It has been a long time since I have had a four year old in the house. I had forgotten what four was like.
I had forgotten how much four year olds love to count. They count everything – bites of cereal, flowers in the garden, blocks, books, bubbles, steps. Everything.
I had forgotten the :”Watch me!” phase. Everything they do is big and exciting and needs to be watched. “Look at me jump!” “Look at me run!” “Watch me climb!” It cant be a bit frustrating when I am trying to get a job done and constantly have to stop to watch. All too soon, these things will become mundane and not note-worthy, so I have patience and celebrate her little accomplishments with her.
I had also forgotten the intense desire to do grown up things and to be a “big girl”. The parental inclination tends to be to say “you are too little” or “it is too dangerous.” But I try to squelch those comments and let her try. With supervision. And I have found that given the chance, she often can do things that I thought would be too hard for her. And if things are too hard, she realizes it without me stepping in and asks for help. I think it is important for her to explore her limits and to understand that if she needs help, it is okay to ask.
I had also forgotten how amazing the world is through a four year old’s eyes and how many questions they have as they explore. Sights, sounds, colours, tastes are all worth close examination. We literally slow down and smell the roses. And touch the snail. And taste the clover. And watch the clouds. It is an awakening for her and a reawakening for me.
This is a fun stage. I’m glad I get to step along this path one more time.
The first thing many people say when I tell them my grandchild had a tonsillectomy is “I didn’t think they did that anymore.”
It is not the common procedure it was 50 years ago, that’s for sure. But when there are constant infections and swelling that interfere with sleep and activities, an ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) specialist may decide they have to go.
It is not a Mickey Mouse surgery. The child will have a very sore throat for ten days to two weeks. Soft foods during that time is a must. And if there is bleeding, fever or the child won’t drink because of the pain, it is back to the hospital BDQ.
We unfortunately experienced the affects of infection and consequentially, the inability to drink due to pain and so we spent an extra couple of days in the hospital. The staff was wonderful, but it wasn’t fun, that’s for sure. The insertion of the IV was a very unpleasant time for all of us.
However, we are home, the throat is healing, and things are looking up.
Preschoolers have such a thirst for information. They want to understand the world and yet their imaginations allow them to soar beyond what is possible. It is an interesting age.
At lunch today, my granddaughter and I had a conversation that explored death and where the soul or spirit of the departed person or pet would be. And why we can’t see the spirit, but maybe we can feel it.
Then the topic turned to eggs (since that was part of the meal) and we talked about why some eggs are for eating and other eggs are for hatching chicks.
And then we talked about when a person might be ready to have a baby.
Pretty heavy topics, don’t you think? They were all initiated by the child; they were important for her to discuss. I did my best to be clear, to be age-appropriate and to be open minded and open hearted.
She seemed satisfied so I guess I did okay.
The grandparents’ group has grown. And after 7 of the 8 sessions, we have become a group that is comfortable and happy to share our challenges, laughter and tears.
Guest speakers have given us information on everything from community services that are available to technology.
We are thinking about continuing our meetings, perhaps less often than once a week, but often enough to be a support base for one another.
Anyone who is raising their grandchild(ren), this is a good opportunity. If there isn’t a group near you, encourage community services or a church to start one. You won’t be sorry.
The grandparent support group is helpful. Guest speakers talk to us each week and there is time to chat about whatever is on our minds.
The chats always revolve around our challenges. Despite the ages of the children we are caring for, there are common threads. We all have sad tales of families that are not functioning, for a variety of reasons. Not surprising – if the families were not in crisis, the children would be with their parents. We all are feeling overwhelmed, taking on child care duties in our golden years. Fatigue is a huge factor in our lives these days. We feel isolated from our friends. Going out for coffee or an evening of drinks, dinner and theatre are logistically daunting. We are struggling to find babysitters. For most of us, the financial strain of feeding, clothing and caring for a child is a worry.
The good news is that there is a sense of community among us and sharing our common concerns makes the load a bit easier to carry. We have found others in the same shaky boat we are in. We can talk to others who really understand what we are going through.
I am glad I joined the group. If I get nothing more from it than a chance to talk and listen, I will be content.
I plan to join a grandparent help group next week.
Generally the idea of sitting in a circle with a bunch of strangers, talking about our feelings, does not really appeal to me.
But I am over my head, in the deep end of the pool, struggling to tread water. And having a chance to connect with other people who are feeling the same way seems oddly comforting. I guess misery does like company.
I am hoping to find sympathetic ears in this group and maybe some helpful ideas. It gets lonely being in a different demographic than my peers. I have been thrust into a place where I need to interact with young parents (think about birthday parties, play groups, daycare events)and I feel quite out of the loop. Young moms and dads tend to look at me as a bit of an interloper, an unwanted chaperone. At least, that’s how it seems. Conversations are stilted and brief. Invitations to join them on a park bench as the kids play just don’t happen. I am not part of the cliche.
And my peers find my circumstance a bit daunting. Planning a coffee date or an evening out is not simple for me. I have to plan well in advance, get a sitter, and be home early. Spontaneous shopping trips and glasses of wine aren’t possible for me right now. So I don’t get invited out very often to chat with people my own age.
So I feel a bit like an outcast, and I fear that my grandchild may suffer for that. Will she also be shunned because of our uncommon family situation?
And so, I am hopeful that I will meet other grandparents that experience similar feelings. And maybe we can make our own little community.